April Fools

Part I

April turned out to be a far more eventful month than I’d expected and even now I am still confused as to who’s the fool …

One unsuspecting afternoon while visiting a friend, her step father came home earlier than expected and since we had not spoken up until that point, struck up a conversation. He asked what I was doing with myself and all the usual questions to which I responded in the usual way … school in September/Holland or England/gender, human rights, advocacy. The conversation ended up being a lot longer than I’d anticipated and John Doe a lot more eager to learn and know. We spoke of politics, various administrations, the constitution, norms, homosexual rights, the whole gender myriad and all its complexities. After a while I went outside for a smoke, my usual hemp cocktail and threw the end away just as he walked outside. He was going for a walk and I told him I used to take the same route in training with my football team. This seemed to him quite amusing.

Later on in the evening he returned and I was still there, helping his daughter do a school project or rather doing her school project for her. Doe then proceeded to call a family meeting, complete with mother and little sister. A more accurate description than a family meeting is probably an interrogation and even closer would be an opportunity for intimidation and accusation. He started off by letting me know that he didn’t appreciate the way that I “lounged off” on his sofa and he would appreciate it if I sat in an upright position. He then said that if I came to help Jane Doe with her homework that we should sit on the table and not the sofa. Then he said he knows FOR A FACT (an all of this is in brief summary) that I was smoking marijuana on his compound and I should desist from doing so. This was then followed by the motivating bomb of … “I am under the impression that you are a lesbian and as such I would appreciate if you did not spend time in my house with Jane D. unsupervised.” In an attempt to respond to all of this I was told that I did not have an opportunity to do so because he didn’t ask any questions. That’s right asshole. You didn’t.

Despite my valiant attempt to keep it all together and salvage whatever dignity I had left I broke … into tears no less. I thought to myself WOW this is what a bad coming out experience must feel like, except this dick was not my father and I was not a scared 16 year old.  Through the tears I felt empowered and grateful for having gone through the experience myself. Just a few days prior I was telling someone how different it is to sympathize with someone or an experience you have not had yourself versus the real deal. His response was of course, “You don’t have to feel bad.” I laughed while shaking my head, as even with understanding, I was still sorry I’d given him the satisfaction.

As the night wore on I started to reflect on the day’s events and how Jane warned me not to talk too much but I was confident that John D. was indeed responsive and not as closed minded as she’d thought. Had I dug my own hole … set myself up to be made a fool? It also occurred to me in that moment how calculated John D. had been in our earlier conversation, egging me on, asking questions, all a part of collecting ammunition to use on me later. I decided then that I was not a fool and that the only thing I had been manipulated into was being myself.  

In the end John D. was the only fool. The fool that discusses where and how guests are required to sit in his house and accuse them of using illegal substances, being their step-daughter’s lover and that homosexuals require supervision. 

Gays Call For End To Homophobia

This article was originally published in the Trinidad Express Newspapers on May 18 2011.

PORT OF SPAIN- There were no rainbow-coloured flags, flamboyant costumes or shouts of "we are here" yesterday. Instead, there was a quiet message delivered to six government ministries advocating policy change toward the gay and lesbian communities in Trinidad and Tobago. Yesterday, more than 50 countries around the world celebrated, IDAHO (the International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia). It is the date which marks the declassification of homosexuality as a mental illness by the World Health Organisation (WHO).
Colin Robinson, president of the Coalition Advocating for Inclusion of Sexual Orientation (CAISO), told reporters at the International Waterfront Centre that he had handed over to ministers’ representatives "six politically feasible steps that our government can take to end and to address homophobia in Trinidad and Tobago". These steps include Government speaking forcefully about embracing the full citizenship and humanity of Trinbagonians who are gay. The other steps include equal opportunity for members of the community, reduction or eradication of crime against the gay and lesbian community and the police’s treatment of members of this group. The other three proposals include the creating of measures which would steer members of the gay and lesbian community away from sex work, a solid gender policy for the gay and lesbian community and safe schools for all sexual orientations. Robinson said that yesterday morning they encountered, "some hostility", but were able to "charm" their way through to the ministers’ representatives.
Journalist Gyasi Gonzales.
For this article and other stories visit the IDAHO website

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The following is my response to the article above.

"Gays call for an end to homophobia" the headline in a local newspaper and therein lies the problem. Tuesday 17th May IDAHO: The International Day Against Homophobia is recognised by over 50 countries worldwide, with 2011 being T&T first year. CAISO: The Coalition Advocating for the Inclusion of Sexual Orientation organised members of the LBGT (Lesbian Gay BI sexual Transgender) community, as well as its allies to present various Ministers with packages including information about IDAHO, a gift and document entitled "Six in Six", outlining six things that the government can do to ensure safety and equal access to services for all citizens ... including members of the LGBT.

To the journalists credit, he did attempt to outline some of the issues surrounding the day and the effort but I'm afraid his aticle may have done more harm than good. The opening remarks of the absence of rainbow colours and flambouyant costumes can be overlooked, despite the fact that that type of activism has never been a part of our history here in the Caribbean and in seemed like a poor attempt at humour and/or ridicule. Either way, the title of the article gives way to a larger issue of mis-representation... "GAYS call for end to homophobia". My first question would be - How in tarnation does he know the sexuality of all who were present and furthermore why does it matter? In the two pages previous was an article about anti-Manning PNM protesters and there was no reference to the sexual orientation of those protesters. Even as I posted information on my own page about IDAHO I was careful not to use anything with the very rainbow colours that the journalist pointed out were absent from our dress code, in a pointed attempt not to alienate anybody from the cause. In my caption above a video entitled "Homophobia" I wrote this a HUMAN ISSUE not a GAY one. Hate affects us all.

The constant association with LGBT causes with only gay persons/activsts is ignorant and more importantly damaging. LGBTQIA is the extended acronym (too long for everyday use), with the A referring to allies - who can usually be found in Human Rights and Women's Orgs. At yesterday's 'march' there were two individuals, one a member of the LGBT and one not, both representing various NGOs or "allies". Both of them refused to be recorded on camera or have their pictures taken for fear of being labelled gay. I guess their fears weren't unfounded. My observation is by no means an endorsement of their beahviour but the article was almost like a self fulfilling prophecy. Whether or not the media is aware, they play into these fears and hinder so many people from standing up because they are afraid that there sexuality will be questioned if they do. HOw many people are willing to put themselves out there for a cause when they are being fought from all angles, including the media. A woman remarked to me that even the reporters holding the cameras and microphones were ducking for fear thaT their faces were being shown.

My message is both to those who are afraid as well as to those who exploit the fear of others- If you are comfortable with who you are it shouldn't where you are, with whom, what causes you fight or what people say about you.

One God, One Love, One Destiny.

For more information on the LGBT community in Trinidad, visit the Coalition Advocating for the Inclusion of Sexual Orientation on Facebook.

To hear the response of the journalist and others, can also follow this thread on Facebook.

The closeted agenda of the Open Mic

With T&T Pride fast approaching, I can’t help but re-call my pleasant and not so pleasant experiences in July 2010. So here goes … As a lover of the arts, I have frequented the open mics spots and live shows, which have grown considerably in popularity and demand over the past five years. I myself having performed in various events, mostly advancing a feminist agenda through spoken word and readings. Last year I decided that it was seemingly ludicrous that Pride should come and go and never be addressed within the local art spaces designed for open expression.

In an attempt to ameliorate this dis service to the population at large, I approached a friend of mine - a host of an open mic and explained my concept in hopes of sharing at the next session. In preparation for this event I asked my mother if she would be willing to sew some pink triangles for me as a gift to the audience. For those of you who are not aware,homosexuals were forced to wear pink triangles during the Holocaust to identify them as such. This triangle was later inverted to represent a symbol of pride. This request was a big one, considering my mother’s feelings about homosexuality but she did it anyway … for me. I was immensely grateful.

On the night of the show I was told I was up next and then a minute later that I couldn’t perform. Completely flabbergasted by this series of events I was given a speech by the host … MY FRIEND that due to further consideration (over the past minute or so) that the content of my presentation may be offensive to members of the audience. She further went on to say that they were running a business and had to be concerned with public perception. In the end I agreed to do my spoken word piece but not talk about PRIDE or give out my triangles. In retrospect I’m still not sure whether or not this was the right decision. Sometimes when you are faced with unexpected situations, your reaction can be unpredictable. I did however express my displeasure with the handling of the situation and made it quite clear that I had no intentions of attending any future events.

The ordeal did however motivate me to approach other open mics, the hosts of which I also knew. Two times over I was again shut down, with one individual not even having the courtesy to respond to my email. Needless to say, the whole experience was very eye opening to just how closed these open mics really were.

Walking the road that I have chosen, politically and ideologically, I have already resigned myself to loosing friends and perhaps even the respect of peers but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t taken aback by the reaction of these so called liberals who I thought were providing spaces for people like me to create a better world. Once again I was reminded to stay in my place as woman, as feminist, as lesbian, as educator and as freedom fighter.

Originally Published on Women Speak, June 1st, 2011